Why do men cheat?
Men cheat for the same reason they perform any other sin. It is in his nature to sin against God. The idea that you can “reason” or “rationalize” the desire to sin is ridiculous. A man cheats on his wife for the same reason a puppy poops on the carpet; because it is in his nature to poop when ever and where ever he feels the desire to. But just as puppies can be trained to poop at the right place and the right time, men can likewise be trained to have sex at the right place and time.
When a woman has sex with a man “before marriage,” she is reinforcing and or strengthening the man’s sinful nature. This is done by encouraging, allowing or participating in his having sex whenever he wants and not at the right place and time as God has ordained it. Likewise, you cannot feed an animal table food and then expect it to go back to pet food. It confuses the animal. Animals have to be trained to eat the right food at the right time and from “only” the right place Similarly, you cannot allow your pet to sleep on the bed and then expect it to sleep in the yard when you have Bedroom Company. The pet needs to be “trained” to sleep where his “master” commands it to. Men by their nature sin against God when they have sex outside of marriage. A virtuous and Godly woman should never be a part of reinforcing sinful behavior. Begin the process of “training” him. Not you, but the Holy Spirit in you can tame the savage beast.
Being with a Godly woman is like being in the presence of an advocate for the King. Represent Christ in your dating and you will be rewarded.
Cheater said:
My wife made me cheat.
March 18th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Cathlynn said:
Are men REALLY mindless when it comes to sex? Why does it seem the women are being made the stronger sex when it comes to “sex”? What on earth ever happened to the gentlemen, the knights in shining armor? If women truly control men in the topic of sex, should women then never trust their husbands around other women? Am I missing something?
April 17th, 2009 at 12:12 am
Pastor Barrie said:
When carnel men and women are not living by the spirit, they are living by the flesh.
That means they will both have sex when “they want,” if they have the opportunity.
Women are not any stronger when it comes to sex. “Women want” and are willing to have sex in different instances than men.
A woman, “she wants” to have sex with only her boyfriend. The sex being sinful does not stop her. Most women could not stop themselves from having sex with her boyfriend even if she wanted to resist.
A man wants to have sex whenever “he wants” to and has the opportunity. The sex being sinful does not stop him. Most men could not resist sex with a woman he is attracted to even if he wanted to resist.
Both the carnal man and women are “slaves” to sin. They must sin, they have no choice or self control because neither is being led by the spirit. The (truly) Holy Spirit filled man and woman have “self control.”
They don’t have sex when they want because they have the opportunity. They are led by the Holy Spirit to live Holy.
No man or woman should be shocked or surprised when any man or woman does what they want when they have the opportunity, if that man or woman is not living a life lead by the Holy Spirit.
Read Romans 6:2
April 26th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Pastor Barrie said:
Your wife did not make you cheat.
You cheated because you wanted to.
You cheated with a woman with whom you had desire and attraction.
I assume you did not cheat with a man because you have no desire and attraction for men.
But this woman with whom you cheated with, you did have at least some measure of sexual desire and attraction, unless you willfully took medication.
Even if your wife “wanted” you to cheat, and i think it safe to say she did not, you sinned against God for reasons you thought to be justifiable at the time.
Self Control would have made you over look your “rationalization” to cheat, to do what would have been “pleasing in the sight of the Lord.”
Get some spirit in you and some Godly perspective on life’s challenges and you won’t sin against God, even if you feel someone else is “making” you do it.
April 26th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
estherjoseph said:
To step out of the realm of spirituality and briefly delve into some germane psychology,:) men are sexual beings as are women. However, the desire to be with one mate is a feminine trait based very simply on the biological function of women having a limited number of eggs with which to procreate and men have no such restriction. They have billions of eggs to work with and an un-ignorable need to “spread their seed”. This is not to excuse bad behavior but to add a touch of realism to the argument. A smart woman concedes that a man will ALWAYS find a beautiful woman attractive. Even if he thinks the world of his mate. Men are visual, they respond to visual stimulus, and a beautiful woman in a room is as easy for a man to ignore as flashing red lights on the railroad track. They just gotta look. Doesn’t mean they love you any less or that they are plotting a midnight rendezvous already.
Once again, not making excuses for men, but inherently women bristle at the thought that their men find other women attractive, when it is the acceptance of that which is what makes a man attracted to you. TRUST is a huge byproduct of RESPECT, and there is nothing that would more make a man want to defeat his nature and be faithful to you than a double dose of good old-fashioned r-e-s-p-e-c-t :-). I’m not sayin.. I’m just sayin
May 1st, 2009 at 5:01 am
Faye Stamper said:
In order for me to discuss this subject, I need to give a frame of reference to why I feel so strongly about this subject,”a man who cheats on his wife, girlfriend, or fiancee.” Here is my story:
I have a personal experience which relates to being cheated on. And, it was in my own home, back in the 90’s and coming home and finding my fiance in the bedroom with my Dentist’s wife –dressed like Adam and Eve. And, this is the beginning part of the story and the obvious conclusion you can come to by finishing my story. I was engaged to a so-called Christian guy with a half-baked Christian woman(me) not doing what Jesus Christ instructed me to do in a dating or engaged relationship!
Spiritually speaking, I understand God gives us a free will and we
are suppose to make better choices once we are grounded in God’s Word. Remember the story of Joseph being sold into slavery by his brothers and was working in Potifer’s House and his Potifer’s wife - lured him into her bedroom area and tried to seduce Joseph. Joseph, I feel was so completed focused and knew what his response needed to be. Flee from the appearance of evil….he knew in his heart, it was not what an employee should be doing in the bedroom of his employer to put it plainly. Joseph made the right choice!
Now, if we put this same story into the lifestyles we live today.
We work in offices and are subjected to various work environments, relationships are developed with married individuals and single individuals. The simple fact, it is not what should be happening and spiritually it is considered “infidelity” has no bearing on the situation in many cases. What if it is the male who makes the 1st approach or even the woman who makes the 1st approach to carry on the office relationship, it is not the appropriate response from either perspective. I have seen with my own eyes, how
these relationships become so out of control with what they call
“uncontrolled passion”. Each person thinks it is love (3-6 months the so called passion dies a slow death! Here is an example, One of the most recent memories was a District Sales Manager for 10+ years had a relationship with his Executive Assistant. Years later, he filed for divorce and married his Executive Assistant. Now, we know the rest of the story, his wife successfully collected 1/2 of his stocks, real estate and pension from the Fortune 500 company where we both worked together. I do not keep in touch with them personally but several of my co-workers have maintained relations with them. They indicate they are very happy. I must remind myself these were not Christian people as I am watching this relationship evolve. Where was my Christian walk at that time in my life?….Should I have prayed a prayer of deliverance? Should I mind my own business? Or should I bring my Bible into the workplace and preach the gospel? I would say probably I did none of the above choices!
Infidelity is seen in a married relationship. A man who cheats has time to think, do I want to do this or not? If he chooses to do it, there are consequences, good and bad. The excitement of the moment or the fact of being found out. I think many men think with the left side of their brain, I believe the emotional side to be exact. If it is true what psychologists say, men think about sex every 7 minutes. If I was a man and knew the word of God, I would refer specifically to scriptures about infidelity and fornication, I would keep many of these scriptures typed up at my cubicle or office and read them many times daily, pray without ceasing and/or possibly keep them posted, so I can read them as often as needed to keep my heart pure. And, if all else fails, drink a herbal preparation which keeps the desires down, it is served in a herbal tea formulation. (Send me an email I will send you the name of this herbal tea) Prayer works if you use it!
Finally, ask God’s divine deliverance from sexual desires which
prevent you from receiving God’s best in your dating or married life.
May 10th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
GoHeadGyrl said:
I agree with your assessment. But I also feel it’s too easy of a scapegoat. Because we lessen offenses and chalk them up to “Oh the devil made me do it” it becomes so impersonal that the perpetrator simply does not see a true picture of themselves. I have made the statement that has enraged bloggers everywhere and cheaters to their face:
A Cheater, Rapist and a Pedophile/ Child Molester are all the same; made from the same stock and all as evil and self as the next.
These are people (if we dare call them that) who are so committed to engaging in a sexual act that they care nothing about the impact or destruction that they leave or cause in the lives of whom they affect. Why is it less tragic that a wife who loses her mind and can no longer care for her children or a mother who kills herself because she has been cheated on and betrayed time and time again, any less tragic than the rape victim who takes her life or can no longer forge healthy relationships because of what has taken place against her? This is NOT to ignore the Healing Power of Christ at all but to make a statement about how unfair it is to separate the victims of these types of abuses into different categories.
Cheating is a form of ABUSE!!!! Abusers do what they want and there is always a victim who suffers at their selfish hands.
If man “A” looks in the mirror and must live with the idea that his lustful, willfully selfish actions caused another life to be destroyed, because he cheated (likely several times), he should not see himself any different than man “B” who must live with the idea that someone’s child will live with trauma and scars that ONLY GOD CAN HEAL! If the outcome is the same, WHY WHY WHY do we give the cause of the outcome a kinder more gentler name that is easier to swallow and allow him to live with himself? God Forbid! If it was such a no big deal, people would not have been KILLED FOR ALL TO SEE back in the Bible. No, I am not saying PUNISH THEM ALL, LET THEM ROT! I am saying call it what it is. Don’t spray cologne on the stank!
See yourself for what you really are and try to be better! Ultimately, you should strive to be saved and delivered and set free. But don’t have to be godly to do what’s right! There are unsaved, unfilled folks all over the world who do right and act right everyday of the week!
If you would NEVER commit a sex act that would potentially ruin the life or TAKE the life of another (like raping or molesting can do), DONT ENGAGE OR COMMIT a sexual act that would potentially ruin the life or TAKE the life of another (like cheating can do).
In memory of my friend RJ who took her life because her boyfriend/father of her child took her own life because he cheated JUST ONE TIME TOO MANY! Where is the justice for her and her son? If this were the Bible days, she would have justice. This dude woulda got dragged to the middle of town and punished for his CRIME!
Live Holy!
May 28th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Mrs. Hamm said:
Let me first say that I hope I am never one of the women that will experience cheating! I truly do not know how I would react.. Now with that said I want to go over what Pastor Barrie states, let review:
“Men cheat for the same reason they perform any other sin, it is in their nature to sin against God” well maybe this is true,but it does not make it right! There is punishment for all sins, some suffer while here on earth because we have laws that allow them to suffer for the crimes commited. Well in marriage I feel that one of the greatest sins is to cheat, emotionally, sexually, or mentally. To compare a man to a untrained puppy is just crazy, a puppy like a child is raised up to do what is right! So lets get this straight a man has been raised and if rasied right knows that cheating is wrong from the get go, just like murder, theft, assault or any other thing. Why would any woman want to try to make a man walk right, talk right or treat her right this should be in his nature also. God gave us free will and when a man cheats he is using his will to do so. He knows what he is doing from the moment he does it! Nothing just happens especially when it continues.
“When a woman has sex with a man “before marriage” she is reinforcing” the mans sinful nature. Well this seems to say that a woman should have more restraint than a man, I don’t agree we just like to carry ourseleves with morals and values. We are expected to live a humble life and be their for our men, but what about the man taking responsiblity and doing what is right not what feels right at the moment? A man is suppose to lead his family to God and provide all the needs of his family and of his wife. Why is it too much to ask that we as women find a good man, and not have the excuse the “A man will be a man”, if that is a true statement then a good man nutures, loves, respects, honors and protects his family before anything else and if he does this then he is a godly man. I believe in forgiveness, but redemption comes after conviction! A man the knowingly destroys, yes destroys his family is a sorry man. You are not forced into marriage, you willing walk into it. The vows are before God, family, friend and all others. We are told that we will honor, love and cherish each other forsakes all others what happen to that. How can any person say that they cheated and it was a mistake, no I think not. If you steal from someone it is not a mistake, if you drink and drive and someone is killed it was not a mistake, when you intentionally do something that can cause any form of injury in any form you are wrong and I am not one to easily forgive. I pray daily for the sins of man including my own, but our men need to seek guidance and look to God before they enter into these relationships and bring children into the world knowing that they are not ready. Women hold your heads high, walk with Jesus he will never fail you nor reject you and remember if you “deny him on earth he will deny you to his father.
May 31st, 2009 at 4:36 am
Lester Barrie said:
Wow! I can’t believe you don’t completely agree!! LOL.
You said, “Maybe this is true, but it does not make it right.”
There is no “maybe.” It is true. AND I NEVER SAID IT WAS RIGHT.
It is absolutely true that people sin as an act of rebellion against God. Cheating on your spouse if you are a man or a woman is a sin. Of course it is not “right.”
I am NOT saying women should have more restraint than men.
If a man or a woman wants a spouse that won’t cheat, they should lay a Godly foundation for marriage. That means motivate inspire and encourage the man or the woman to not rebel against God in your relationship. Encourage them to not do what they want to do if God does not ordain it.
Men and women both fail to encourage their spouses to resist the temptation to sin before marriage. How can either men or women expect that their spouse will have the self control to resist the temptation to sin after marriage?
The question is, “Why do men cheat?” So, I address the women who want an answer to this question.
Ladies…hide your heart in Christ and glorify God with your bodies and teach your daughters to do the same.
Encourage a man to surrender his will to the Lord’s and if he refuses, pass on that man. Wait on God to bring a real one into your life. And you never know, the brotha you laid down and sinned with, might have come to Christ because of you. It could have been you that ushered him into the body of Christ.
If women can encourage men in their walk with Christ before marriage and have sex as God has ordained it, we could not only avoid cheating, but also STDs, Divorce, babies outside of marriage, teen age pregnancies, domestic violence, and other forms of emotional abuse.
The Love of Jesus Christ is bigger than any problem that marriages face today, including cheating.
Lift up Christ in your dating and in laying the foundation for marriage and women (and men) will see a different outcome.
Now Mrs. Hamm…you are truly blessed and I pray you never suffer the devastating affects of cheating on a marriage. I love your family and you are an inspiration to all those who know what God has brought you through. But…
Don’t ever disagree with me again in public.:-) You pull me to the side… and I will set you straight. LMBO :-)
Thanks for the visit. :-)
May 31st, 2009 at 5:48 am
AndrewBoldman said:
Great post! Just wanted to let you know you have a new subscriber- me!
June 4th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Kelly Brown said:
Hi, interest post. I’ll write you later about few questions!
June 12th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
atteneded367369 said:
A man cheats because he is not spiritually based. That’s the only reason for his infidelity. A Real Man who is married, dedicates himself to his wife and his marriage.
No excuses that his hormones are out of wack.
Only men who know that their marriage is based on Spirit and not flesh will last.
His woman knows how to satisfy him; he won’t have to look beyond his “front and Back” doors.
Whatever he want and need in the bedroom; between them…is “undefiled.
I think permarital understanding between them should prepare them for what to expect from each other.
Know each other first.
That’s My Opinion and I’m sticking to it.
June 21st, 2010 at 10:11 pm